This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
