I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
