some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
