I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
