Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
