the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize