Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
