check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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