Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
