I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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