I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
