When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
