Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
