RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
