apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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