you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
