Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
