I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
