Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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