Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
