You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
