All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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