So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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