cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
