Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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