Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
