so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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