Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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