He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's like iHOP with fire
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is classic penis vs brain.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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