Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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