Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
two words...techno handjob
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
third nipple confirmed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
