He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
