and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
