K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
