Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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