It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
