Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
