I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
