Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
