If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
