dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
