he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
