i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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