There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
