her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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