I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
