Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize