I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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