Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?

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(810): View more from Michigan

Adam has been drinking

(1-810): View more from Michigan

Who has his phone

(810): View more from Michigan

Adam does

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

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(630): View more from Illinois

That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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(914): View more from New York

Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

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(314): View more from Missouri

your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just trying to show you I care.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.

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