You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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