I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
