I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
