6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
