If i come over, it means nothing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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