come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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