I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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