I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
