This is not my ceiling
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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