I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
