I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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