when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
