Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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