he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
