we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
