Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
