Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
