She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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