I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
