Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
